When you’re working with athletes, coaches, other sports scientists and medics – differences of opinion should be expected. In fact if it is absent – there’s normally something wrong. When you need to confront an issue that means you’ve got to have a difficult conversation.
Difficult or maybe we should call them necessary conversations – receiving them and delivering them – they can be full of emotion, intel, opinion, hurt, motivation.
“difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values.”
― Douglas Stone, Harvard Law School
Here’s an exercise to help you think about having good conversations. Or if you prefer use this worksheet.
Think of a time someone had a difficult conversation with you;
- What was the situation about?
- What were the emotions for you?
- What do you think the emotions were for them?
- How well did they communicate the issue with you?
- How was the feedback framed?
- How was it phrased?
- How did the conversation leave you feeling?
- What changed because of the conversation?
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Preparing to have an empowering conversation.
“I always found that if you handle a problem in a benevolent way and a transparent way and involve other people, so it’s just not your personal opinion, that people get to the other side of these difficult conversations being more enthusiastic.”
Prof David M Kelley, Stanford University
Now think about a situation you would like to broach with someone.
- What is the situation about?
- What are the emotions for you?
- What do you think the emotions will be for the other person?
- What is your motivation for communicating the issue with them?
- How will you frame the feedback so that the other person is engaged in two-way dialogue?
- What phrasing can you use to initiate the conversation well?
- How do you want the conversation to leave the other person feeling?
- What goal, purpose or standard of behaviour can you relate your feedback to, to enable the other person to feel the feedback is helpful to their work?
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“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
Ambrose Bierce, Author